was quite a fun day today
although constantly bombaded by sian thoughts.

went for chengsan early in the morning
lianed longdechuanqi and left halfway
BYEEEEE

then waited for the stupid freaking taxi
the queue a bit not long la
darn
and it appears tt the taxi took a super extra long to come when I was at the front of the queue
and it was super hot in tt black blouse black trousers la.
FINALLY got a cab

i was super intimidated when i first reached!
got this girl playing erhu
OMG
she got a damn pro accompanient
the fingers a bit NOT FAST
OMG
then the erhu girl quite pro also
so in my usual zibei way,
i was super inconfident

haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
and guess wad,
no one is there to accompany me AGAIN
SIANNNNNNNN

feel like such a loner sometimes
everytime alone
no friends
duno wad im doing
hai
everyone doesnt like me:'(

ya
so was like pee-ing in my pants when i was up on stage REHEARSING
omg it sucked
my fingers were like numb and totally NOT flexible
and my dizi feels cold too
*sobs*
so
screwed it up
grrrrrrr

then was waiting at backstage
somehow from backstage,
everyone appears super pro ON STAGE
when it wasnt like tt during rehearsal
and this girl's teacher -which i suppose is yujia- went up to her and gave her like a SUPER CUTE PINK TEDDY
OMG
i wanttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
SHIT
back to -no one likes peiqi- again

haiiiiiiiiiiiiii
so,ya
rotted at backstage
trying to warm up my dizi literally and warm myself up too technically and emotionally
ya.

somehow i have this prob when im playing solo
it happened during the actual exam itself too
i will like play play play
then not very nervous
add some emotions, create some pictures which only i can see,i guess
then i will drift off
and continue playing SOMEMORE
then duno wad im doing
luckily for this one it didnt cause anything major
phew

OOOOOOO
and SOMETHING
when i played,
my mouth is super dry!!!!!!!!
its like getting drier and drier as i continue playing
so at the pauses, i deliberately licked my lips to moisten it
like omg
and my mother said she SAW it
thanks
screwed up at one part when i suddenly came back from my drifting
aiya aiya
lack of concentration

then everything's done
no sms, no congrats, no presents
sian

haiiiiiii
i dread going to school now
studies and studies and whatever
feel like a silly loner always
like no friends
then just wandering around
go library
be mugger
go cca
be ostracized or something
and i tink i have zero general knowledge
feel really dumb sometimes
like i seriously cant tink of anything to talk about "do you believe in love?" which is like somehow chosen by me to be a speech topic
like huh?

haiiiiiiiiiiiiii
seems like im not good at anything
other than maybe dizi which i may not be as good too
since i didnt get into the hc syf team
haiiiiiiiiiiiii
duno la.