i really tink im sooooo lame
blocks are coming in a jiffy and im still slacking here
haiiiiiiiiiiii

and i really wonder how it feels to be so comfortable with a person that you could talk to him or her comfortably for a very very very very very long time and still have stuff to talk about
i really tink im having a lack of topics to talk about to my friends
cant really tink of much to say like i did before
hai
hardly could talk to a person comfortably for more than a period of time without awkward silences and bouts of self discrimination
ahh
talk about low self esteem

i had wanted it for so long, but when i really get it,
the familiar sense of insecurity springs up right after my sense of glory JUST subsided

and im really getting insecure about the july concert
stuff arent really settling down as well as they did last yr
i rmbed at around this period of time last yr before the concert, we had long gone through the songs and ya.
all it takes is sightreading i guess, for the pros
and i rmbed i was just slacking around and everyone seems so much more ready than now
hai
i really dont like it when people can be so flamboyant about something i really care about
not coming for practices blah blah blah and giving like totally i-just-feel-like-slacking-today excuses.
hai.
maybe i wont be so worked up if im not the sl
but personally i really want this concert to be a good one
i dont like it when people say our standard deproved a lot because there are a lot of new people joining.
because i still kinda regard myself as new i tink, after all i only came in last yr,
and for the concert last yr, i didnt really perform alot
i dont want the first concert i fully participate in to be a flop
maybe tts why i get a bit worked up.
i will tink its my fault, like its because of me playing so much that it sucks this yr
hai
and laoshi got me to play quite a number of solos this yr, and even though i appear as if im totally confident about playing in the concert,
i tink im not ready for it
AT ALL
somehow, i dont feel as confident as i did last yr even though in comparison, i improved (i tink)
i rmbed last yr i was so prepared that i could memorise the whole song and i knew exactly which bar to come in
but this time?
i still have to count, and atrociously still come in at the wrong parts.
-sigh-

just some ramblings.