ZOMG my lips are like freaking swollen now, i duno whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
i looked totally like a duck when i woke up lahh, and worse still i duno the cause of it! AHHHHHH.

its really important how you phrase your words isnt it?
maybe i shouldnt be so relaxed while talking to friends because i just realized it makes them get the wrong idea.
gosh, its been so comfortable slacking and everything with them tt i realise im relaxing myself TOO MUCH

oh wells. it sucked to see your junior feel that you're like a stupid arrogant busybody who thinks that everyone is inferior to you.
yes, i was not in the syf team for last year's syf and if i say im not in the least affected by it, i must have been kidding. there was a period of time when i kept asking myself wad went wrong during the auditions, wad went wrong with my skills and felt terribly humiliated when the list of those who were in the syf team were out. well, what the instructor thinks the school needs for their syf is probably something i dont possess though i had always wished they would tell me straight in the face what i lacked like wad li zhen did during my diploma exam, ill reflect on it. i can never understand why it was just a sms message saying something like you have not been selected to be in the syf team.thanks for your time, blah blah blah. what utter nonsense.
and now, just by saying "HAHA good luck in HCCO they freaking rejected me without a reason and im a diploma now" incurred the wrath of my junior who actually feels like i have violated HER rights in choosing her cca to be hcco and asked me to shut up, showing total recognition to the fact that "i think im a diploma and therefore i am the BEST". seriously thats bullshit to me too, i dont think having a diploma means anything, it just means you have time and money to get a qualification tts probably going to help me get into NUS if i do so badly in the upcoming A's.
well i have to say that what sinyee said about the selection of the syf team made me feel much better and i detest myself for that, since it involves putting others down just to make myself feel that the system is fair in the first place.
to put it across bluntly, the idea that im not in hcco DOES NOT bother me more than the fact that my doubts about the system has never been cleared. in fact i cant even be bothered about hcco since i face more challenging pieces and more efficient practices outside. it is not like i have to depend on hcco for my skills to improve anyway. certainly it has made me mad that something i cant be bothered about or detest or despise could actually affect my relationship with my junior. arent we close enough for you to know that what ive said to you in the inner plaza was just for fun?or in the first place, is what you feel a result of what i said for fun or of bad malicious gossip spreading around. ahh wells who can avoid that.
i niao ttj about hcco rejecting me, this is seriously for leisure purposes only, if somehow what i said spread out, i have to say all these. its funny how people who have had contact with me does not trust me but instead trust others who havent even been close to me at the start. if this is truly the case, i have to say i am very disappointed and again dislike myself for being guilty of committing this mistake in other areas as well.
before direct confrontation with the accused, i conveniently thought i got hold of the whole situation and made my own silly judgement about him and felt that he was in the wrong for being so fussy and irritating.
after conversation, i finally realised that it was just a clash of personalities, a misunderstanding not cleared by both parties. i am also truly sorry to the accused and i respect him for what he has done for us for me till now. i really appreciate it though i had wished that they would clear up their misunderstandings for the better future of everyone in time to come.

well, this has taught me that however slight misunderstandings there are, it deserves to be cleared up. with direct confrontation, the opinions of both parties can be heard by the other party and improvements can be done, instead of guessing, accusing each other and letting your thoughts run wild and nasty about someone who merely had a different perspective as yours.

with this, i hope keatying can reply to my tags and tell me frankly where her judgement of me came from for any improvement to the situation or the tone and attitude she would prefer i have in future cases where conversation is possible. just by slashing your thoughts and feelings on your blog is not goin to lead to anything if you dont come to me directly.
similarly, i would hope the judging committee of the syf team last year come to me directly and tell me the reasons why im not in the syf team last yr. i believe they have their own reasons but if they dont come to me or others who are in the same predicament as me, as ordinary humans that cant be forgiving to every single thing, i preserve the right to despise the judging committee and believe in the conclusion that they have given me based on the information i have now, that im not in the syf team because a st nicks girl would never be preferred over a ny one.