LOL suddenly 心血来朝 then decided to blog!
omg so dead this place.

not to scold people lahh okay.
been quite emo these days though
keep listening to emo 五月天 songs it's affecting me a bit, haha
now that i have all the time in my life (errr thanks to NOT being able to get myself employed),
amidst all that travelling to ever so far places for my interviews, ill start emo-ing

its quite sad that im listening to 突然好想你 and my brain is completely blank -.-
its so emoooooooo and i should at least have a person in mind or something?
but my brain is really completely blank.
bleah.
有deprived到
LOL

sian.
its quite weird trying to go back to my dizi after soooooo longggggggggg
was actually nervouss when i tried playing it again just now?
gosh, i wasnt even nervous last time when i faced a whole concert hall full of people -.-"
think im really dead.
totally lost all touch and now im trying to go back to csco
after not being with them through the most trying times when everyone was trying to get over sad events and stressed moments.
how to face them, how to start conversing again, after i changed quite a lot after the Alvls both in playing dizi and everything
in just 7 days stuck in thailand i think i changed quite a bit, let alone in 6 months which is awfully long
dont think there'll be many people turning up tml anyway, probably not just after the competition
only going with tingjun to help her into the orchestra.
when i myself am not even sure of being able to blend in again.
really hope tingjun can get into the orchestra lahh, she'll not give up on her yq then.

its quite sad getting buried in your academic work almost all the time.
almost killed preparing for Alvls when i force myself to read the papers everyday and hope that i get every nitty detail into my head and i could probably use it for my GP, trying to read every little detail in the notes, since it MAY come out for the A's (it didnt, anyway. something that is NOT in the notes came out, thanks man)
to the extent that i dont do anything else other than get obsessed with luozhixiang and study.
there were soooooo many things i wanted to do, but its not like im doing them now, i duno why
just feel like moping around now, and err attend interviews?
really hope i can see into the future, where i would be, whether i would be what i want to be.
what course would be best, which uni would be the best
sometimes i really think i am quite 胸无大志.
havent really thought of applying for overseas unis.
the reason probably because im not prepared to live without my family yet, in a foreign land somemore, with a rather screwed up first trip overseas in thailand.
its quite disturbing looking at those actively trying to fight for their future, trying to get into the top unis overseas, MIT, HARVARD, LBS, WBS, WHATEVER.
whats the point of trying so hard when i only want to settle for a local uni anyway?
and i really duno what to say if the scholarship interviewer asks me why im unwilling to go to an overseas uni.
errr, because i cant live with my family and i cant shift my family there. ill probably tell them im afraid that the airport would close down.
bleah.

HAHAHAHA ranting.
this blog is meant for me to bitch around people, oh no.