*peiqi- - - - - -

2009-05-27T00:34:00.000-07:00

Names can be deceiving

seriously. Ive decided to start blogging after so long because im honestly disgusted.
haha
came up here to rant about the disgusting swee kee that i ate. OMG it sucks totally.
talking about the old swee kee here. along seah street theres actually two swee kees, zomg
swee kee used to be one of the best chicken rice around lah, btw.
the other time i went to eat along that street with my family and we ate at NEW swee kee cox we didnt see the old one. after we were finished we saw the old swee kee and was still like, zomg we ate the wrong one. no wonder its like okay okay only.
OMG then today since im working at national library and my colleague is craving for chicken rice, we went to buy. then i decided that we should try OLD swee kee since its OLD it should be the traditional and nice one and not the NEW swee kee right!
so logically we went in and went to da bao. actually i should have left the shop at this moment okay.
the people selling are PRCS!!!!! siao liao confirm wrong alr.
how can PRCS make the traditional lao chi hao chicken rice. should be hainanese or what right.
must be imitate liao lor. LL.
then i still decided to try, happily trying to deceive myself that its like some kind of franchise keen on tapping on cheap labour.
OMG and guess what its a freaking 4 bucks for that rice and chicken.
seriously, if its nice i really dont mind
but it freaking SUCKKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSS like hell.
when you open the box you know it alr.
i think it tastes even lousier than yong chai.
i think even if my father anyhow anyhow make one also nicer than it okay!
OMG swee kee my foot lah.
the rice taste like normal rice?
like normal WHITE rice?
its not even fragnant at all!
the chicken even better.
omg i admit i always end up eating breast meat cox i dont like bones,
and naturally its dry and i cannot go against the natural order of things,
but that one is seriously dry like crap.
the chicken is damn dry and NOT tender.
at least the NEW swee kee one was A BIT tender.
also better than nothing right!
OMG
and just when i thought putting some soy sauce would save up quite a bit,
i mean, adding liquid is bound to make the chicken more soft right?
or at least soggy?
omg the soy sauce is like the real DA HUA soy sauce.
its not even the chicken rice kind that you expect it to be a bit sweet lah!
FAINTED.
totally lousy chicken rice.
AND if you think thats all that can suck for chicken rice,
the chilli SUCKS TOTALLY
you know at least the chilli at old swee kee can make it?
the chilli here is really chilli lor
chilli bits in chilli water
its not even chilli sauce that you think its a bit soggy or wad
its like the chilli bits put inside the water too long then become chilli water, you know the water become red because of the bits.
omg feel like dying.
i think even the chilli that i anyhow do can win it.
please lah, at least put some lime lah.
so disgusting still dare to sell it, omg.
and i still added like a LOT? to cover up the soy sauce.
omg gross.
so here i get for 4 bucks,
chicken, rice.
chilli, water.
DA HUA soy sauce
WTH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

2008-12-13T06:26:00.000-08:00

LOL suddenly 心血来朝 then decided to blog!
omg so dead this place.

not to scold people lahh okay.
been quite emo these days though
keep listening to emo 五月天 songs it's affecting me a bit, haha
now that i have all the time in my life (errr thanks to NOT being able to get myself employed),
amidst all that travelling to ever so far places for my interviews, ill start emo-ing

its quite sad that im listening to 突然好想你 and my brain is completely blank -.-
its so emoooooooo and i should at least have a person in mind or something?
but my brain is really completely blank.
bleah.
有deprived到
LOL

sian.
its quite weird trying to go back to my dizi after soooooo longggggggggg
was actually nervouss when i tried playing it again just now?
gosh, i wasnt even nervous last time when i faced a whole concert hall full of people -.-"
think im really dead.
totally lost all touch and now im trying to go back to csco
after not being with them through the most trying times when everyone was trying to get over sad events and stressed moments.
how to face them, how to start conversing again, after i changed quite a lot after the Alvls both in playing dizi and everything
in just 7 days stuck in thailand i think i changed quite a bit, let alone in 6 months which is awfully long
dont think there'll be many people turning up tml anyway, probably not just after the competition
only going with tingjun to help her into the orchestra.
when i myself am not even sure of being able to blend in again.
really hope tingjun can get into the orchestra lahh, she'll not give up on her yq then.

its quite sad getting buried in your academic work almost all the time.
almost killed preparing for Alvls when i force myself to read the papers everyday and hope that i get every nitty detail into my head and i could probably use it for my GP, trying to read every little detail in the notes, since it MAY come out for the A's (it didnt, anyway. something that is NOT in the notes came out, thanks man)
to the extent that i dont do anything else other than get obsessed with luozhixiang and study.
there were soooooo many things i wanted to do, but its not like im doing them now, i duno why
just feel like moping around now, and err attend interviews?
really hope i can see into the future, where i would be, whether i would be what i want to be.
what course would be best, which uni would be the best
sometimes i really think i am quite 胸无大志.
havent really thought of applying for overseas unis.
the reason probably because im not prepared to live without my family yet, in a foreign land somemore, with a rather screwed up first trip overseas in thailand.
its quite disturbing looking at those actively trying to fight for their future, trying to get into the top unis overseas, MIT, HARVARD, LBS, WBS, WHATEVER.
whats the point of trying so hard when i only want to settle for a local uni anyway?
and i really duno what to say if the scholarship interviewer asks me why im unwilling to go to an overseas uni.
errr, because i cant live with my family and i cant shift my family there. ill probably tell them im afraid that the airport would close down.
bleah.

HAHAHAHA ranting.
this blog is meant for me to bitch around people, oh no.

2008-05-14T06:21:00.000-07:00

haha so long since i blogged
and normally i dont!
unless i have something to say.

well, just because i kept quiet doesnt equate to me agreeing with what you said,
it just means that there is no point in continuing the conversation which will end up in conflict anyway.

i dont think its nice to simply shoot your mouth off and tell someone to go find something to be committed to.
afterall, you cant jump to a conclusion that im void of committment, just a slacker wasting my time away just by listening to me talk about my cca or counting the number of times i ponned cca.
just because i dont show it doesnt mean i dont have it.
simply said, the fact that i dont constantly remind you all that i have an external cca and i do quite a lot of stuff there before doesnt mean i dont have an external cca
the fact that i dont flaunt my list of to-dos doesnt mean that i have nothing to do
the fact that i dont allow my work and my emotions to seep into curriculum time doesnt mean i dont have them

i admit the fact that im a horrible slacker in tkd and i regret being that, without changing the status quo by changing cca or pulling my socks
okay i shall not sound like the typical slacker that blames everyone but herself that shes a horrible slacker.
but it is never easy to start out as a second intaker, and i think the most screwed up part of my college life in terms of achievements would be my cca in hc.
this is especially so when nothing much was done comparable to orientation this yr, to help us fit into a cca, resulting in me joining in a rat race to finding a cca.
well, times in cca with friends do feel nice and its somewhat like a bonding session everytime, the lack of achievement still screws me up sometimes.
after all i dont think im that bad in my secondary school cca, even as a member.

well, the thing i cant stand is your demeaning tone (or at least i thought so)
it undermines my efforts to balance my academics, what i love to do and what i have been doing all along.
just because you are busy with your own work doesnt mean others are not if they choose not to show it
but since im a judgemental person myself, i dont simply get pissed off just because someone forms a judgement of me.
thats why i kept silent.

2008-02-22T20:39:00.000-08:00

ZOMG my lips are like freaking swollen now, i duno whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
i looked totally like a duck when i woke up lahh, and worse still i duno the cause of it! AHHHHHH.

its really important how you phrase your words isnt it?
maybe i shouldnt be so relaxed while talking to friends because i just realized it makes them get the wrong idea.
gosh, its been so comfortable slacking and everything with them tt i realise im relaxing myself TOO MUCH

oh wells. it sucked to see your junior feel that you're like a stupid arrogant busybody who thinks that everyone is inferior to you.
yes, i was not in the syf team for last year's syf and if i say im not in the least affected by it, i must have been kidding. there was a period of time when i kept asking myself wad went wrong during the auditions, wad went wrong with my skills and felt terribly humiliated when the list of those who were in the syf team were out. well, what the instructor thinks the school needs for their syf is probably something i dont possess though i had always wished they would tell me straight in the face what i lacked like wad li zhen did during my diploma exam, ill reflect on it. i can never understand why it was just a sms message saying something like you have not been selected to be in the syf team.thanks for your time, blah blah blah. what utter nonsense.
and now, just by saying "HAHA good luck in HCCO they freaking rejected me without a reason and im a diploma now" incurred the wrath of my junior who actually feels like i have violated HER rights in choosing her cca to be hcco and asked me to shut up, showing total recognition to the fact that "i think im a diploma and therefore i am the BEST". seriously thats bullshit to me too, i dont think having a diploma means anything, it just means you have time and money to get a qualification tts probably going to help me get into NUS if i do so badly in the upcoming A's.
well i have to say that what sinyee said about the selection of the syf team made me feel much better and i detest myself for that, since it involves putting others down just to make myself feel that the system is fair in the first place.
to put it across bluntly, the idea that im not in hcco DOES NOT bother me more than the fact that my doubts about the system has never been cleared. in fact i cant even be bothered about hcco since i face more challenging pieces and more efficient practices outside. it is not like i have to depend on hcco for my skills to improve anyway. certainly it has made me mad that something i cant be bothered about or detest or despise could actually affect my relationship with my junior. arent we close enough for you to know that what ive said to you in the inner plaza was just for fun?or in the first place, is what you feel a result of what i said for fun or of bad malicious gossip spreading around. ahh wells who can avoid that.
i niao ttj about hcco rejecting me, this is seriously for leisure purposes only, if somehow what i said spread out, i have to say all these. its funny how people who have had contact with me does not trust me but instead trust others who havent even been close to me at the start. if this is truly the case, i have to say i am very disappointed and again dislike myself for being guilty of committing this mistake in other areas as well.
before direct confrontation with the accused, i conveniently thought i got hold of the whole situation and made my own silly judgement about him and felt that he was in the wrong for being so fussy and irritating.
after conversation, i finally realised that it was just a clash of personalities, a misunderstanding not cleared by both parties. i am also truly sorry to the accused and i respect him for what he has done for us for me till now. i really appreciate it though i had wished that they would clear up their misunderstandings for the better future of everyone in time to come.

well, this has taught me that however slight misunderstandings there are, it deserves to be cleared up. with direct confrontation, the opinions of both parties can be heard by the other party and improvements can be done, instead of guessing, accusing each other and letting your thoughts run wild and nasty about someone who merely had a different perspective as yours.

with this, i hope keatying can reply to my tags and tell me frankly where her judgement of me came from for any improvement to the situation or the tone and attitude she would prefer i have in future cases where conversation is possible. just by slashing your thoughts and feelings on your blog is not goin to lead to anything if you dont come to me directly.
similarly, i would hope the judging committee of the syf team last year come to me directly and tell me the reasons why im not in the syf team last yr. i believe they have their own reasons but if they dont come to me or others who are in the same predicament as me, as ordinary humans that cant be forgiving to every single thing, i preserve the right to despise the judging committee and believe in the conclusion that they have given me based on the information i have now, that im not in the syf team because a st nicks girl would never be preferred over a ny one.

2008-01-31T05:38:00.000-08:00

and i was still complaining about havin to run 2.4 trial run,
and i was still rejoicing over delivering a good timing,
received a really shocking news from jieying
forgot to put my phone to silent during boo's lecture and it started ringing,
got super shocked and rushed to end the call
thought that jieying wouldnt normally call me on weekdays wad,
started worrying and when i couldnt stand it and called back during the lecture,
i received the sad news.

i was really in a state of shock and even asked jieying if shes serious or not.
gosh.
humans are really vulnerable creatures,
and fate is unpredictable.
when i ended the call i could still vaguely rmb seeing him on NYP annual concert day
didnt really know him personally but he was friendly and nice.
haiiiiiiiiii
my next thought was, omg, its going to be chinese new year alr.
how about his family?
:(

fate is unpredictable
i want to protect all that i love, my family, my friends.

Rest in peace, David.

2007-12-31T06:22:00.000-08:00

okay!!
time for the end of the year post (though i didnt even post much this yr)

hmmmmmm loads of things happened this yr
a new school, new environment, new friends
am really truly thankful that i came to hwachong because it is really a good school
not intending that vj wasnt good, just that im more suited to the homely environment at hc,HAHA
was very much involved in dizi for the first half of the year,
having concerts, exams and everything
fulfilling i must say, but draining as well
hmmmmmmmmmmm or should i say its just the exams
haha
cox im horribly competitive and constantly comparing me to others would drive me up the wall
tts why i was quite negative about the idea of going for dizi competitions cox its so huh?
haha
how in the hell can you compare skills when we have different starting points?
she is richer, i am poorer
or she is smarter, im more stupid,
or she learnt ever since she was born, i learn only last yr
or things like tt
how can you just compare like tt
ok end of digressing and goin on and on about dizi
hmm one final thing,
my personal conclusion is participate in more concerts cox having dazu practice and playing correctly is so fun!haha.

okay
for the new yr ( A LEVEL YEAR, I KNOW )
i hope to :

get 4 As!!!!!!
become skinny!!!!!!
perform more!!!!!!
be happy everyday!!!!!!
be more clear about what i want to be!!!!!!
be more simple minded and less cutting and less sarcastic and less suspecting
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Hope you and me have a happy new year!:)

2007-12-26T16:09:00.000-08:00

I wish to be :

more understanding,
more caring,
more appreciative,
more kind,
more simple,
less cynical,
less skeptical,
less grumpy,
less irritable,
less demanding,

to see the greater things in life.
wooooooooh

2007-12-22T06:12:00.000-08:00

haiiiiii
been thinking a lot these days
about what i want to be in the future,
trying to find books that i would be interested in,
thinking about what i can do with my dizi

i think i need to take a break from my dizis
for the past yr,
i seem to have lost the primary reason why i wanted and liked to play dizi
taking two exams in the past yr itself really proved to be too much for me
i was so busy trying to pass my exams, doing well at dizi, at that time, seemed to be just a tool or a key to my supposed future
after the diploma exam which i alr felt i screwed up,
i lost all interest
didnt feel like learning anything new, didnt feel like playing
and recollecting how much i put in into dizi,
what did i do?
what good can all these do to my future?
its not possible for me to be a musician,
if theres so many people out there with a distinction in diploma, what right have i to be the musician when i am not one of the best?
it doesnt make sense to me after trying all sorts of ways to make it do, though
besides, just because of a setback i suffered in this exam,
i can lose interest in dizi, and its quite drastic
how can i be so confirmed that i can keep my passion going with all the things and pressure and stress a musician have to go through?
especially when there are definitely more i have to face in the small and pathetic music circle in Singapore,
not just not meeting my own expectations in the recent exam

im playing just becox i spent so much effort in it
and its dumb to quit now
and thats such a dumb reason
been even wondering,
so what if i can get diploma, degree whatever there is
if it is really as simple as being able to afford having the money, you can pass

maybe my road of playing dizi has been too smooth,
making me unable to face a setback maybe tiny to others

i really need a rest and try something completely new
hope i can find what dizi meant to me at the very start i held it.

2007-12-01T05:53:00.000-08:00

DAMN IT
my mood swings are increasing in amplitude as if in resonance
one moment i feel like killing people
the other i feel okay

SHIT

2007-10-30T07:04:00.000-07:00

yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FINALLY
the gig is over
been worrying about it ever since like i was confirmed in the thing?
whether i can read the pu, whether i can understand all the western theory thingy
after i got the score?
worry if i can find the place where the gig is, whether i can play the pai zi properly, whether i can keep up with the background music
haha
in the end it was okay la
flopped here and there, hope its not tt obvious, heh hehXD
many thanks to people like moses for being so nice and giving me direction(literally!!)
yu ting for being so friendly, zhenlong for lending me her theory books, hong lao shi for patiently explaining to me all the funny paizi and diaos, yujay for helping me with understanding zhenlong's book, and whoever who helped in one way or another.
lol
its quite fun la, a gig
but it seriously sucks having to step out of your comfort zone, like i spend the whole morning worrying about this and that after the horrendous rehearsal of not knowing what is going on, haha
yay!!!!!!!
i played in a gig
lol, excited that i finally stepped out of my so called "comfort zone" lah and witness, though not thoroughly, the "harsh" reality of tan jia-ing people outside.
woo
they're really zai people.

2007-10-27T07:14:00.000-07:00

When you believe

Many nights we prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hope for a song
We barely understood
Now we are not afraid
Although we know theres much to fear
We were moving mountains
Long before we knew we could, whoa, yes
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe somehow you will
You will when you believe
[mmmmmmmmmyeah]
Mmmyeah
In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer bird
Too swiftly flown away
Yet now Im standing here
My hearts so full, I cant explain
Seeking faith and speakin words
I never thought Id say
There can be miracles
When you believe (when you believe)
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill (mmm)
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve (you can achieve
)When you believe somehow you will
You will when you believe
[hey][ooh]
They dont always happen when you ask
And its easy to give in to your fears
But when youre blinded by your pain
Cant see the way, get through the rain
A small but still, resilient voice
Says hope is very near, oh [oh]
There can be miracles (miracles)
When you believe (boy, when you believe, yeah) [though hope is frail]
Though hope is frail [its hard]
Its hard to kill (hard to kill, oh, yeah)
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve (you can achieve, oh)
When you believe somehow you will (somehow, somehow, somehow)
Somehow you will (I know, I know, know)
You will when you believe
[when you](ohoh)
[you will when you]
(you will when you believe)
[oohoohooh][oh...oh]
[when you believe]
[when you believe]

i dont want mr lim to leave:(

2007-10-17T03:31:00.001-07:00

it really amazes me how some people could be so nonchalant and stubborn to improve the way one treats the others, always waiting for the other party to approach them first before even any conversation starts.
its not easy for me to dislike someone since i often tend to put myself in others' shoes and understand their meaning behind doing certain things that may not look justified on the surface.
for such issues, i tend to need some time to cool things off and all would be fine. the negative aspect would be that i tend to be a follower and lack a mind of my own, i guess.
however once i start to develop a sense of dislike for a person, its like a poisonous black ball, rolling and rolling, to form big, large, huge, gigantic ones.
my ball started out pretty late, from its humble beginnings of neutral feelings.
soon it started to grow into a sense of distaste and disagreement which i had tried to dismiss but somehow its quite stuck.
then it went on to become feelings of dislike, irritation, frustration, disgust, disregard and whatever could be worse after that.
i dont think it would be easy for me to dismiss such feelings anymore;they would always exist.

some people have really taught me that for one reason or another, some people just dont click with each other.
well, THIS is unexplained by science.(LOL)
they may not have done anything invasive or whatsoever to you, but somehow you just dislike them - their behaviour, their mindsets, their aspirations, their existence.
i hate to have that feeling but luckily, i dont think i develop such feelings easily.
i would just avoid interaction with them anyway, to prevent further deepening of my disgust.

seriously, i dont think its very nice to jeer at someone desperate and willing to learn something completely new, no matter how much you are advanced about that arena.
that is totally revolting.
the least you could do was to shut up.

2007-09-06T06:33:00.001-07:00

this is bad
i cant make myself blog what i feel.

2007-08-13T03:35:00.000-07:00

boo.
hai.
haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.
haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.
Zzzzzz....

how.

2007-07-31T03:13:00.000-07:00

ah
after so long of preparation,
its over so quickly, bleah
haha

as much as i hope all wont end so quickly,
when i see how tired people are,
i hope it will end quickly?
haha

concert was overall quite successful
100+% ticket sales though i was rather disappointed that the seats werent all filled up,bleah
im quite glad i was given the chance to do ticketing though it drove me nuts and ahh whatever.
i learnt a lot!
without the help of lisa i tink im really dead la
and through doing it,
i also realised the care and concern people have for me, like JIEYING!:), keatying, sharon, hong lao shi, zheng lao shi and all the others:)
i really think you all rock!

haha.but im still not very satisfied with my playing in the concert la!
my mother said nandao was too soft and apparently though i practised like mad, my dong pu had to almost drop when i was playing the solo next.
tsk.
the yinse wasnt as nice as i hoped it would be
but nevermind
haha

oh and hong lao shi!
omg i tink he really rocks my socks
damn zai la
he played almost all the crap instruments and had like this whole mountain of dizi next to him with his specialized dizi jia
this moment its some little tiny dizi, the next time its this huge dizi then its xiao then its bawu then oooh back to little tiny weeny dizi.
omg
feel so helpless whenever i look at him during the practice and even during the concert itself.
10+ dizis but none of us can help him
haha.
(had this sudden boost of adrenaline to make myself more zai by the next concert!!)
still have to take my grumblings about ticket sales.haha.
can see that hes really tired la.its like the first time i see him so shag and almost getting scolded(kana niao) by the conductor(hubingshe) la!(everytime see me then tell me how tired he is-.-)
oh and qiu...he forgot this xiao solo part!!
can see that hes like stoning liao la.
lol.then i was like staring at him, staring staring till about one bar before he realised then heng heng played the correct note on the correct beat.HAHA.i was like laughing inside la.
haha.
now that i dont see the chengsan people every night, i feel kinda weird.
but,
thanks everyone!!i love you all:)

2007-07-20T01:42:00.001-07:00

i tink im really silly
at this point of time, im still looking at my hp, hoping to receive some sms in return

life is just all about protecting and gaining your best interests for yourself isnt it.
after so many days of sending smses, i finally realised
when hey its someone's birthday!
when omg.we want to watch movie
when i want balloons
people would all flock to you, hoping to give a piece of their mind and then waiting for someone to volunteer to perform it because I am simply so busy, you know
but.
when someone needs help,
poof

everyone's gone
and you're left alone, wondering what just happened

thats how people are.
everyone scrambles to get the best for themselves,
no one in sanity would do something which just does not help themselves a teeny wit
they only want to dig,
dig for the best till theres like nothing left
then walk away

ironically tt doesnt seem to be how life works
complicating isnt it.
haha

for the past few days i tried to convince myself how torturous it must be to go for a co concert
my conclusion is : OMG. very torturous indeed
the performers are just zhamming on their instruments and the conductor forever looks as though he is so winced in pain. must have been so affected by how loud the sound is
and the worst thing is,
i cant even sleep because it is simply so noisy!
wtf
and theres like chem lecture test the next morning!
which is so so so so so so impt since it adds 1 mark to my total score at the end of the year if i mug HARD enough to get full marks!
O WOW.
and listening and watching chaos costs me like 15 BUCKS!!!
IM TRYING TO SAVE UP, GOD DAMN YOU
you know how much 15 bucks can do in stark contrast to hurting my ears?
i can go to the toilet like 150 times with it!
oooooooh
sounds so much more exciting than going for a co concert
its not like noise is not noise when peiqi's performing?
everything is just the same
why waste money
why waste time
HAHA
so what if i help peiqi out cox shes so desperate over her ticketing crap and spend that 15 bucks worth so much to me?
i get nothing but maybe some earblock

but i really wonder who really did stop to think,
what does it benefit me,
watching this stupid movie which doesnt interest me much but cost like 9.50(toilet 95 times)
having to buy the dumb tickets beforehand when time is so so so precious to me and i could have gotten like A for physics if i used the time to study
and having to rush like mad and still get grumbled at for being late when i didnt even want to appear in the first place
how hard it was to be treated as some kind of singtel info center
hey what time is the movie?
hey what is it?
hey we need to buy present!
hey i want to eat, eat with me
spending all my darling 300 free smses on trying to coordinate such stuff when all the effort spent doesnt really equate to something that benefits me
i guess i must be insane then
going to buy this present buy that present buy balloon buy flowers buy sweets
when im so busy with my own stuff
and i dont even get some kind of recognition for something
not being calculative here,
just wonder whats on your minds when i had to go begging around for money and get rolling eyes when i put in so much time and effort

and now......
ta ta ta ta!
the best time for me to see if my efforts paid off
hmmmm
let me recall
"hey.please come for my chengsan concert on the 29 july sun 5pm at SCH.its 15 bucks.please help me.can see that im very desperate here.please come!!"
and.....................for the long awaited replies!!!!

poof.
everyone's gone.

argh.nevermind.
its a full house afterall.lol.

2007-07-15T03:36:00.000-07:00

PLEASE COME

CHENG SAN CO CONCERT 2007

SCH, 29 JULY, 5PM

please come.
interested contact me

2007-07-15T03:30:00.000-07:00

crap its all my fault
thanks to my procrastination, we're all damn screwed up
why was i soooo afraid of going to those "experienced" players?
crap
AHHH
whatever.
ewoifnwefhweifweof

2007-07-08T04:27:00.000-07:00

so heres my birthday eve's eve's eve post
life is rather hectic but quite fun these days
had dizi lesson in the morning at PASIR RIS
lol
hotspot for dengue la!
haha
was like spraying insecticide before leaving home through my teacher's house is not at like drive6
HAHA
i dont want to get dengue!
mosquitos are like so disgusting

anyway back
then ate lunch and went for chengsan
hai
very stressed up la
after hearing wad zheng lao shi said and looking at his extremely black face,
i really feel that wad i said or "nagged"does have a reason
believe it or not, we really have no time and we need people to come for practices punctually or at least as early as possible
so much for reminding
so much for being complained against
shit, i sound so "comm memberish"

anyway, scraped thru the songs practised and was rather tired
blaH
did physics tut until 12 plus and made a mess out of it
slept at 1 plus but woke up at 7
BLAH!

rushed and scrambled ard to pack all my stuff properly to prepare for chengsan later
rushed to tpy, then stoned at tpy sports hall until it was finally our turn
ahh
i was doin it with a bunch of like 5 yrs olds max can!
walau
then i look totally oversized and overaged
-.-
screwed up a bit but overall it was okay la
felt totally bad towards ttj cox i was the last person in my extremely young group and ttj had to do her routine with all the yellow tip people
ah
not my fault but just feel very paiseh towards her
bleah

rushed off immediately after my grading ended
took mrt(which is much much faster) home
the whole morning was totally just like a walk a jog or something
i was just briskwalking like siao throughout the whole morning till i reached home
bathed and the time i spent at home is like less than 15 mins i guess
then rushed to chengsan
lol
im super hiong right
dismissed at 10 plus reach cheng san at 1130
ZAI!

practised and then went for lunch
had to walk there alone then totally looked like a loner la!
seems like hc is making me totally conscious of whether i AM alone or something.
dont like this

anyway....

international food fest!
yumyum
ate the super nice ramily burger and took a balloon
LOL
then bought portuguese egg tart for the section(see im so nice!!) and sharks fin soup for myself
seriously i realised, anywhere and anything is just so fun if you have friends
no doubt co is my passion but it just simply sucks big time at ya,youknowwhereifyouknowmewell
but at chengsan, even though it is like tiring and stressful, as long as theres like someone there, its fun!:)

but its really gross with all tt neverending houseflys flying ard
super gross
theyre just like sticking to pus and instruments
yuck
and honglaoshi killed one by stepping on it?like wth
i thought houseflies are supposed to be like damn fast to siam one
got a shock of my life when it was just flattened by him
conclusion: houseflies at chengsan are retarded

practised longdechuanqi which was totally screwed up by me
ARGH
i really lack a lot of practice and im like lost.
argh
my koudi part sucked and the parts at the back are at a mess
eeyer
really need to pract

for this month ill just forget about my studies for a while la
hope i can still catch up though im alr like lagging behind, bleah
totally depressed over chem la

but meanwhile, i better make sure i dont get eliminated from the concert by hubingshe and dont screw up the performance
while making myself more pro!haha.
totally looking forward to taking diploma but of course, im not there yet la
PRACTISE!

p.s. end of my BIRTHDAY eve's eve's eve post :D

2007-06-19T01:34:00.001-07:00

i really tink im sooooo lame
blocks are coming in a jiffy and im still slacking here
haiiiiiiiiiiii

and i really wonder how it feels to be so comfortable with a person that you could talk to him or her comfortably for a very very very very very long time and still have stuff to talk about
i really tink im having a lack of topics to talk about to my friends
cant really tink of much to say like i did before
hai
hardly could talk to a person comfortably for more than a period of time without awkward silences and bouts of self discrimination
ahh
talk about low self esteem

i had wanted it for so long, but when i really get it,
the familiar sense of insecurity springs up right after my sense of glory JUST subsided

and im really getting insecure about the july concert
stuff arent really settling down as well as they did last yr
i rmbed at around this period of time last yr before the concert, we had long gone through the songs and ya.
all it takes is sightreading i guess, for the pros
and i rmbed i was just slacking around and everyone seems so much more ready than now
hai
i really dont like it when people can be so flamboyant about something i really care about
not coming for practices blah blah blah and giving like totally i-just-feel-like-slacking-today excuses.
hai.
maybe i wont be so worked up if im not the sl
but personally i really want this concert to be a good one
i dont like it when people say our standard deproved a lot because there are a lot of new people joining.
because i still kinda regard myself as new i tink, after all i only came in last yr,
and for the concert last yr, i didnt really perform alot
i dont want the first concert i fully participate in to be a flop
maybe tts why i get a bit worked up.
i will tink its my fault, like its because of me playing so much that it sucks this yr
hai
and laoshi got me to play quite a number of solos this yr, and even though i appear as if im totally confident about playing in the concert,
i tink im not ready for it
AT ALL
somehow, i dont feel as confident as i did last yr even though in comparison, i improved (i tink)
i rmbed last yr i was so prepared that i could memorise the whole song and i knew exactly which bar to come in
but this time?
i still have to count, and atrociously still come in at the wrong parts.
-sigh-

just some ramblings.

2007-06-08T06:21:00.000-07:00

i slack too much
but i love to slack tooooooo much too

hai.
this sucks
i know im lagging behind my studying plan for 1 week now and im NOT doing anything decent about it
all i do is daydream and fill myself up with pessimistic thoughts
haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

i really wonder how people can look at the BRIGHT side of things when things arent even bright to begin with
haiya duno
i feel like ive lost myself and my identity in the midst of socializing everyday
hai

im turning technical when i dun even have technique.
and when i realise my techniques isnt there, i say im a emotional player.
wad crap
i tink i really lost the ability to create music
wad im doing is simply play notes.
haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
how?

2007-05-19T01:45:00.001-07:00

blah

somehow, life hasnt been really fulfilling nowadays
ESPECIALLY CCA-wise
having concerts every other day didnt help much too

shit
not being in the sch's orchestra feels weird,
i can only depend on chengsan to make me feel more satisfied with my dizi practising
and WE arent practising enough too, pple not coming etc
hai
depressing
really thinking and wishing to go into another fun co
its so sian just playing with my little darlings weekly
TOTALLY unfulfilling
BLAH

some fun co in need of dizi!
COME FIND ME.

2007-04-22T06:44:00.000-07:00

was quite a fun day today
although constantly bombaded by sian thoughts.

went for chengsan early in the morning
lianed longdechuanqi and left halfway
BYEEEEE

then waited for the stupid freaking taxi
the queue a bit not long la
darn
and it appears tt the taxi took a super extra long to come when I was at the front of the queue
and it was super hot in tt black blouse black trousers la.
FINALLY got a cab

i was super intimidated when i first reached!
got this girl playing erhu
OMG
she got a damn pro accompanient
the fingers a bit NOT FAST
OMG
then the erhu girl quite pro also
so in my usual zibei way,
i was super inconfident

haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
and guess wad,
no one is there to accompany me AGAIN
SIANNNNNNNN

feel like such a loner sometimes
everytime alone
no friends
duno wad im doing
hai
everyone doesnt like me:'(

ya
so was like pee-ing in my pants when i was up on stage REHEARSING
omg it sucked
my fingers were like numb and totally NOT flexible
and my dizi feels cold too
*sobs*
so
screwed it up
grrrrrrr

then was waiting at backstage
somehow from backstage,
everyone appears super pro ON STAGE
when it wasnt like tt during rehearsal
and this girl's teacher -which i suppose is yujia- went up to her and gave her like a SUPER CUTE PINK TEDDY
OMG
i wanttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
SHIT
back to -no one likes peiqi- again

haiiiiiiiiiiiiii
so,ya
rotted at backstage
trying to warm up my dizi literally and warm myself up too technically and emotionally
ya.

somehow i have this prob when im playing solo
it happened during the actual exam itself too
i will like play play play
then not very nervous
add some emotions, create some pictures which only i can see,i guess
then i will drift off
and continue playing SOMEMORE
then duno wad im doing
luckily for this one it didnt cause anything major
phew

OOOOOOO
and SOMETHING
when i played,
my mouth is super dry!!!!!!!!
its like getting drier and drier as i continue playing
so at the pauses, i deliberately licked my lips to moisten it
like omg
and my mother said she SAW it
thanks
screwed up at one part when i suddenly came back from my drifting
aiya aiya
lack of concentration

then everything's done
no sms, no congrats, no presents
sian

haiiiiiii
i dread going to school now
studies and studies and whatever
feel like a silly loner always
like no friends
then just wandering around
go library
be mugger
go cca
be ostracized or something
and i tink i have zero general knowledge
feel really dumb sometimes
like i seriously cant tink of anything to talk about "do you believe in love?" which is like somehow chosen by me to be a speech topic
like huh?

haiiiiiiiiiiiiii
seems like im not good at anything
other than maybe dizi which i may not be as good too
since i didnt get into the hc syf team
haiiiiiiiiiiiii
duno la.

2007-04-09T03:39:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

damn high!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOL

I AM THE TOP SCORER FOR GRADE 8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHA.

damn shocked!
lol
i thought i screwed it up la
still worrying about it just now
LOL

doing physics tutorial
then hong lao shi called.
then i was like ..........................
the scalp immediately got tension la when he said "bad news"
wa lao
mean pok
still couldnt believe it when he said im the top scorer!
LOL
93 leh!
lol
i still thought im super screwed and skipped some parts of the stupid song without myself knowing or something
HAHA
omg
IM DAMN PRO LA
yay!!!!!!!!!!
i did myself and hong lao shi proud!
haha
still thought i was a total failure when i finished the thing
i almost cried actually cox i know im damn screwed.
HAHA

omg.read my last post.
HAHA

2007-04-05T06:11:00.000-07:00

PEIQI
you suck
you had so much time to pract
and you were doing well

why must you play so freaking fast and fumble on your STUPID NOTES
IDIOT
its clarity that is impt!!!!!!!!!!!
you suck
people use half of the time you use
they can do much better than you
SHIT.

2007-03-30T07:50:00.000-07:00

i tink im really going crazy
sometimes i can feel very happy and enthu
and sometimes i can just cry my way home
siao already

life has been ok la
though this week is quite screwed
my sleeping hours is like getting later and later
9.30 to 10 to 10.30 to 11
which is now

havent done any tuts
i want to prac my dizi!
darn
still hve core module tml
so siannnnnnnnnn
i dun mind learning about etiquette la
but omg
so sian
sat.
should be going for jinghao's bdae!
haha
i will reach at about 5 la
omg
when the time acty starts around 6
and i have to leave by 6.30 supposedly
ahhh
shucks
im screwed

havent bought anything on my agenda
new school bag,
new shoes,
new pencil box
all havent buy
i seriously cant find anything tt catches my eye
especially bag
they all look either too guyish or bimbotic
ahhhhh
shucks

grading exam next wed.
wish me luck!
not forgetting audition results too.
GO PEIQI.

2007-03-25T04:51:00.000-07:00

ahhhhhhhhhhh
i tink i really need something to hype me up and think more positively about attending sch
absolutely HATE and DREAD going to school now
super siannnnnnnnn

ps-ed zhenlong today
sorry la
im really tired
and sianed

a lot of pple came back today!
yay
and its so funny laughin tgt
haha
given more impt parts and everything
hmmm
will prac hard
but i so can visualise hu bing she asking me to play again and again and he is not satisfied and like wth, he will ask for a change of person
AHHHHHHHHH
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
omg

da biannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

quite scared for grading exam
.....

sianed for makeup
sianed for sch
something!
just hype me up!

2007-03-11T07:09:00.000-07:00

SIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

orientation 2 at hci is quite ok la.
having fun at the slide thing
haha
i like my ogl!!!
very cute.
haha

although we are second intake,
but og1 is super enthu!
haha
got tgt with a lot of pple like tianbo and cixin.
lol
loved it

talks suck.
talking sucks.
siannnnnnnnnnn

ahhhh!!!
im really screwed up.
grrrrrr.
nvm.

2007-03-06T00:54:00.000-08:00

boring day today
supposed to have class outing
but the turnout was quite bad i tink and im not free at the last min
have to do some stuff
aiya
sian la
was at home at 11 plus
then like wth!
there was an EARTHQUAKE!!!
i was practising my dizi for quite long
then suddenly i felt giddy and like the whole room is shaking???
i was like stunned
then i thought its cox i played dizi for very long
although its like how can i still feel dizzy for prolonged playing of dizi when i played dizi for so long liao
so i thought im too hungry
went to macs and bought lots of food
then ate
went back to practise a while again
and it still shook!!!
arghhhhhhhh
i thought i was going mad when my mother called and said she evacuated from her workplace
okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
theres a earthquake
scary

ya.
aiya
the rest is just boring stuff la
nothing much to do
preparing myself for hc
i tink it will be a shock la
like being dao-ed by the first intakers and everything
arghh
i HATE having to kick up conversations.

SIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

2007-03-05T04:32:00.000-08:00

haiya
sorry la

today was so crap
lol
took like such a long journey to go school in the morning
then during assembly mr chan was like "you are dismissed immediately."
haha
wadeva
like real
then all the ogl training and cca starts?
so sian
canot go class outing
hai
i brought camera lehh
haha

anyway, starting to miss vj already la
haha
the funkiness and everything
lol
it is really in complete contrast to NJ which i crashed today
lol
nj is super duper dead
haha
at least tts when the jtwos are mugging away?
and theres like no hols?
haha
shit
im missing vj's hols
haha

haiiii
my last day at vj
DISMISSED at 8.20
i didnt manage to finish my chem tutorial after all

miss my class!
:'(
photos tml k.
put it with the class outing pictures tml
anyway, wad about the class outing?
-.-

actually to say the truth, i duno how to upload the photos from the camera.haha.wait for its owner to come home first.

2007-03-04T03:46:00.000-08:00

lol.
changed blogskin cox im too bored

ahhhhhhhhh
my life is so screwed
like im only 4 weeks away from my exam and i cant even rmb the 3 songs?!?!?
SHIT
talking about 200% preparation
and i cant prac cox my whole family will kill me?
its like loud.
darn

and serious work is starting soon!!!
crap
then i have no time to practise???
darn

and did something very bad today
hai
sorry la
im so selfish
SORRY
dont dao me and distrust me or something can?
:( REPLY.

anyway, im really very suay today
went chengsan and the first thing i see is zheng's black face
*faints*
-.-

then sat there very awkwardly
haiya
its super screwed
after leaving vj, i can finally NOT play that stupid song chun anymore
DARN
and now i have to play it at CHENGSAN
damn it
and xia qiu dong
wa lao
haven play i dong dong already lor
damn it

and i really am not in the mood ok
haiya
i shouldnt have agreed
shit

so sian la
screwed up the song
screwed up everything cox i was nowhere near focused
keep on thinking about tt thing
aiya
the things i do and tink about ar,
i canot believe it

aiya
then going home tt time felt like total crap
still got suaned by zhiqian and curry somemore
hai
dont want to say liao la
dont feel like talking

then went to buy lunch
bought charsiew rice for my father
3 dollars
i only got 5 bucks with me plus maybe 2 dollars worth of coins
thought tt students' value meal is only 4 dollars
then ordered happily
then shit
it is like 4.70???!?!?!
i was like stunned
then i thought i can pay with my ezlink
guess wad
damn it
i only got 4.65 in my ezlink card
WHAT THE HELL?
so sia suay when i have to like look so haggard and BRISKwalking out of stupid cursed macdonalds
then walked the WHOLE amk central just to find one atm tt accepts POSB
like wth la
was at the mrt station
tried like all the stupid machines there
then i look so stupid walking away without money and trying on a new one
wth
then went to the new shopping mall
wth
also canot
minimum 200 somemore
a bit i only need 20 la
went to the POSB branch!!!!!!!!
minimum 50
wth
went jubilee then can
damn it
like how suay am i?
finally got the money
wanted to eat mos but decided on kfc
was like queuing for mos
then after tt suddenly leave the queue
i was like doing this for duno how many times today to free myself from being embarassed to death
SHIT
then walked all the way to kfc and guess wad i saw
"KFC student special!!!$3.95!!!!!!!!"

GREAT-.-

2007-03-03T04:52:00.000-08:00

lol.
im going to irritate myself and type in chinese since im using my sis's laptop.

tsk.
i just realised my sis's laptop cant type in chinese
darn.

oh man this is so random
haha

anyway,
feeling sianed
haha
nothing to do
slacking away
didnt even open my bag
ahhhh
wadeva
lol

pictures of cny!!!!(which are so outdated)
btw, this is for me to save on my own com.LOL.

acting chio with my sis outside my house.haha.my father is like closing the door?:D

on the bored journey to my relative's house

me and my mother!:D

vjc!!!!!!!!haha.

2007-02-24T04:14:00.000-08:00

lol.

HAHA.

happy new year everyone!
lol
im finally blogging again!
super bored so decided to come and blog
so sian
nothing on tv worth watching

life's good nowadays
AHHH
i will really miss my class in vj
humph
really hope i get into a nice class if i make it to hc la
if not im going to DIE

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

and ive finally learnt the art of sleeping on the bus!
haha
but i get super dizzy when i wake up
then my eyes canot focus................
starts to blur.....................
until i decide to shake my head to focus
lol

anyway new year is just normal
haha
the sad thing is only tt my uncle came
argh
hated it
like wth
reunion dinner then suddenly got this guy duno emo-ing about wad there
damn irritating la
we're like nice enough?
still black face us
not like hes very welcomed anyway
and no one forced him to come
tsk.
freak.
im sounding mean again.

ah ha!
my temper is getting better and better ok
im so mild now
haha
used to suan zhenlong and cheryl everyday
lol
maybe i just cant be bothered now

haiiiiiiiii
i was thinking this few days,
since ill be more free in j1,
i should do something about my dizi
i really like playing dizi lehh
but it seems like im losing confidence in it
like im not improving or something
its always the same old problems and i just live by it
grrrr
and i hate not having music background
it totally sucks la
especially when it comes to paizi and the weird kind of thing
all the major minor and zhi fa
SHIT
i hate not having music background!!!!!!!!!!!
haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
and grading exam is just 5 weeks away
CRAP
i havent even finish lianing the song
my god.
darn

hai...
maybe life's going to change after next week
hmmmm
i really hope i can fit in and get used to everything
hai
so sickening
everything seems to suck
and i feel so worthless
like wth
got anything also nv tell me
then im wad
feel like giving up sometimes
like wads the freaking pt
im not tt important anyway
and argh
i cant do much
i dont even understand why its ME
look,
i have no experience,
im quite afraid of trying new things,
and im not the kind who can say frivolous crap to boost people's morale
my god.
ME!?
im like doing nothing la!
i seriously duno why

and we shouldnt force ourselves to do things we are unsure of
at least tts me
screw it up
no one cares whether you put in like effort or not
theyll just see how screwed you are, wanting to act pro but totally screwing it up
tts not my nature man

SIAN
i want to achieve more!
i want to do more!
but it seems like its quite hard.

haha.this is so random.

2007-01-26T06:23:00.000-08:00

DAMN IT

2006-12-29T06:22:00.000-08:00

fri

slacked in the morning
packed up past wrksheets
hai...
work so hard doing the papers,
end up giving them to garung guni
-.-

went to the new fairprice Xtra at amk today
cant believe it acty
THERES LIKE SO MANY PEOPLE??!?!
its the first time i saw so many kids at amk Ok?!?!
normally you will only see old men, old women and the most aunties hanging around
now there are SOOOOOOOOOO MANY KIDS!!!!!!!!!

and the whole thing was quite ordinary
its not exactly sooooooooooooooooooo big either
and the whole place is still renovating and stinks like having a bata shoe stuck in your nose
and yet, so many people still persevered in going there
lol
cant believe our "determination"

and theres something tt seriously irks me
people take tolleys when they are buying many things that baskets are not sufficient
HOWEVER
people i saw today take tolleys to put ONE OR TWO boxes of tissue paperS*like its so super heavy anyway*
and whats worse are those who take tolleys and put their kids in it
EXCUSE ME????
I DONT THINK WE PRACTISE SLAVERY HERE
YOU CANT GET KIDS LIKE GOODS
so they should NOT be in the tolley like GOODS
and WORST still, they push the tolleys with nothing except their kids around and go "excuse me~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"
-.-

i suggest those parents buy those baby tolleys thing to push their kids around ant NOT FAIRPRICE TOLLEYS
you can get those baby tolleys at fairprice Xtra too.
lol.
so convenient for you to not cause inconvenience

2006-12-11T23:24:00.000-08:00

sunday
been to the new, exciting, special shopping centre
it really made me mad
so NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-12-08T05:35:00.000-08:00

haha.
had quite a busy week?
worked for 4 days
it was quite ok la
the bosses are quite nice
haha
and i got a handphone strap from them
lol
and free lunch

got serious neckache la
and handache
my finger got one big blister cox i drip glue from the glue gun on my finger
lol

so sian.
somehow i dun understand how people think
ya
cox im not in that position before maybe
but based from my point of view,
it is not apt AT ALL
it is a load of crap

and i duno whether you are trying to destroy me or yourself
TSK

OEI!!
ROOM 1656!!!!!
very lag leh.

------------random----------
-.-

2006-11-25T02:39:00.000-08:00

lol.

2006-11-17T22:25:00.000-08:00

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
cool man.
heard his album liao.
not bad lor!!
GOT IMPROVEMENT!!
haha

*opps the wind just slammed my door close"

anyways, O LEVELS IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
haha
finally i got some time to do things i want to do
omg
i tink for the past duno how many months i was living in mars or pluto la
yesterday went back to j8 then everything seem to have changed
haha
and watched STEP UP!!!
haha
its quite nice la
the way they dance is cool!
haha
but the shooting part a bit random
omg

ya.
ok..
im going to change everything!
haha
who cares

hmm
nervous about going back to cheng san
lol
and just fingered my dizi
feels weird mans
shit

i tink im so dead

actually quite look forward to prom
just hope that i wont look so fat lor
haha
:D
lol
earrings!!!!!

ok.
i know im incoherent
haha
nevermind
who cares about grammar and writing in chronological order?
O LEVELS IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHA

i dont expect someone i dont like to like me.

2006-10-23T05:19:00.000-07:00

sian...
arghhhhhhhhhhhhh
nvm

-.-
olevels!!!

lets go.

2006-09-29T06:41:00.000-07:00

WGwi eghoenv eoihv iojv grgveri vj
drfiovherhuove
vhrfovhri v
rghv9rehvuhv
drhuvheru9veh u fdnmvoidx;
zsger 0zsghv0
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2006-09-21T03:52:00.000-07:00

hai...

so sian right everytime also start with this
lol
life is really sian nowadays
now is so much better already
you all should have seen me in the first and second week of prelims
=
corpse

tink im getting too stressed or wad,
i panicked like SHIT during papers and at the end only to realise,
it just ended like that and i have to prepare for another exam coming up the next day
after preparing so hard for it, i blacked out at qns and completely PANICKED
hai...
prelims liao leh
prelims only mah
wad am i supposed to expect for o lvls?
acty i suspect if i even get the l1r5 i desire and get into the jc i want
hai...
and my sciences suck like shit
am i taking humans?
its like wad the hell i hate humans
not like im doing better at it but its definitely better than my sciences
hai
wads wrong?
thought i should be better at sciences
i want to take science!
hai..
hai...
hai....
so sad..
felt so stressed up i canot sleep
got stomachache
got migraine
got all sorts of things like fever etc
for the first week
wth
it felt totally horrible.
-.-

am i really the one who will excel?

2006-08-30T05:35:00.000-07:00

why wont people see their own mistakes?
why are people so weird?
why do i care?

why am i expecting something so hard when i know it would fail?

2006-08-11T23:07:00.000-07:00

really wonder how im going to survive
18 days to prelims
hist untouched
ss UNtouched
bio unmemorised

and everything is like screwed?
and practice exams are coming
i really wonder how they expect us to rmb all that content

lost
y should i do now?
im really lost
whole pile of stuff there lying for me to do
but i duno to do wad
cox theres too much

im going to have a second try at chem
hope i can gather some courage from it

hai
just feel like breaking down sometimes
its like once i tink of all these ill feel damn sad
and its like no one is there etc
they all dont understand

how am i going to survive?
haha
5 chapts and i dont feel like studying it
screwed it up as usual
wad about 24 chapts?
haha
HA HA HA

you all wont understand
SHUT UP
qowj ejpfooodjcbr
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rvuervur vger
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vn
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-ruv9ervjuornvhder]

2006-08-04T20:20:00.000-07:00

thurs was a day of mixed feelings
hai
irritation
disappointment
sadness
fun
happiness
shall start with all the bad things first
duno
just get irritated at some things
tsk
tsk
tsk

got back chem paper
mugged so hard for the paper,
hoping to get very high marks for it to prove that im acty very good at chem,just nv study thats why
in the end,
only pass by 3 marks
no sticker
im tired
its the feeling like you mug so hard in anticipation
you look forward to your good results
but in the end, its still the same or worse
like nothing changes despite your efforts
nothing will change
whats more its only a chem test on a few topics
and all my chem results are all just pass..
mrs hoo said even if you score very low for this few topics but others very high, it goes to show that you are weak at all those topics.
but what about me?
mine are all so so
so is my chem really canot make it?
how am i going to get what i want in the olvls with this?
olvl is all the topics!!
will be even more screwed.
hai...
looks like im not so good at chem anyway

and it is worrying and depressing to see your results going from bad to worse to worst at this pt of time
what i should be seeing is maintaining good grades at niche subjects and making steady improvement in the others
but what im seeing is my other not good results going from bad to worse like bio.
used to get 34.5 but now? 25.
hist? 8.5
nvm.. you can say afterall im not good at the subject wad
will have the NICHE ones right?
the worst thing that can happen is
you see your niche subjects going from bad to worse too while staring helplessly at it and losing all your confidence.
i THOUGHT i was good at amaths and chinese.
but my results for them are deproving too!!
used to get 46, 48 for a maths.
suddenly drop to 34, 36? and i cant see the thing everytime.
i cant do my homework and the revision without looking at notebooks
i even forgot how to do integration
to the pt that im super inconfident of my answers
and my heart sinks when i dun get the answer
to the pt that im super depressed after every maths lesson
to the pt that i hate humans after all this and hope they all get away from me and stop irritating me cox im behind time.

i used to think im a chinese pro
good at everything regarding chinese
but later realise,
im not that good after all
my compos are all so so
i cant seem to write like before anymore
i used to be full of pts to write full to things to express and full of vocab
but now?
i stare at a compo qns and write nonsense, no pts, no vocab and the pts are all not linked and super crap and unoriginal
WHATS MY PROBLEM?!
CHINESE!!!!!!!
marks for papers are also so-so.
expected very high but in fact, it was just normal, ordinary, something anybody can get
i tink im so pro
but acty im not
at all
am i drained of ideas or wad?
i cant tink of beautiful vocab anymore
and STOP asking me wad is this wad is that how to express this how to express that.
cox im screwed myself
when i look at a compo qns, stupid and nonsubstantial ideas would just flow to my head and all the things i can use but suddenly such qns would jerk me out of them and ill forget them
i duno
i duno
i duno
i duno
i duno
its your compo
write it yourself
stop draining me

as you all can see, im screwed
physically psychological
just feel like breaking down sometimes
looking at myself disintegrate
just like my pts in a once very good chinese compo

went for farewell on thurs
its nice to see the new comm working quite cohesively together but dont talk among yourselves cox once you do that, pple lose their focus on you.
ya
games were quite fun
video is super lame!
P for pro la.
pi ni de tou.
anyway, the dizi i give very cute right!!!!!
HAHA
i got one also
sry for the white white spots on top cox its becox i use the super strong glue for ceramics then my hand stick on it
when i pluck my finger out, its there
sry sry
got my DNA ok!
hope you all tie it to your dizi bag and good luck for SYF la even though CO is not all about SYF

frankly speaking,
its weird to see videos about youself,
have the pple saying farewell to you and look at others lead the section while standing ard
i feel kind of lost without co
thinking what could have happened in co today,
wad you all did,
hows everything and whatsoever
when a few months ago we were still with you all,
playing tgt during jubliate
during sectionals
talking during dazu
holding my dizi bag and walking into the music rm late and feel so tua pai
hai
looks like all these is not very possible now
didnt really treasure snco alot
thought that we are lousy and not improving
skills forever so hun
and forever not displayed

only these few days when i leave the co
did i realise that being in a co is not all about skills anyway
in the co, one will have friends and nice juniors and do things you like to do with an official reason
realised that the suona and sheng pple are quite nice too
didnt like them in the past
thought they all got ap
but during the bbq,
realise that they are quite nice afterall
like to play, gossip around etc
haha
a very very late realization right?
sylvia came back too
acty i was quite surprised with myself
i thought i would end like behaving like wad i did to kristine to her
silence
nothing to say
cant click like before
that was what happened to me and my childhood friends too
nothing much to talk about
and was sitting in the bus in complete silence
but realize i could still talk to her like normal
without feeling awkward and weird
talk about crap etc like before
hai.
miss these feelings.
couldnt feel like that for very long already
whenever i talk to someone i didnt see for a long time,
i would feel so weird talking to them
and they will tink im dao
im not,
i just duno how to talk and what to talk about
hai.....
when i talk about something,
ill just feel like i've changed
and that person will realise ive changed
and turned so different and weird
then ill shut up

hai...
looks like ive really changed
was able to talk and speak very well and normally even to pple i havent see for a long time
but now,
im like some introvert or lame idiot

whats wrong with me?!!!??!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!

2006-07-28T22:29:00.000-07:00

im always so reassured by your words.
cant even believe myself.

2006-07-28T05:32:00.000-07:00

~~sensitivity is termed as the ability to react to a stimulus.~~
sensitivity is the ability to sense the others' feelings and not get forever caught up in work and expecting others to help you when you are not helping others.

2006-07-22T03:42:00.000-07:00

disappointment

2006-07-02T04:02:00.000-07:00

grrr...

i apologise for my disgusting solo yesterday.
yea
i screwed it up cox sijia got me to play it quite suddenly
and i stupidly chose a song im not very familiar with yet
BLEAHS

HOWEVER,

there has to be someone to comment on this
making me super irritated
yea right
dizi is noisy.
whole day talk.
should be MORE serious and not laugh.
but seriously i rather they laugh la.
and guess wad,
dizi is the only section with the CORRECT attendance.
look at tanpo.
patheic right?
they dont even bother to turn up
who has the worse attitude?

stop pinpointing dizi cans
yes we talk but all the more this shows our unity
at least we have things to talk about
AND
when the time calls for it*other than my disgusting solo*,
we rise to the occasion and produce SUBSTANCE
sijia suddenly came up to me and asked for a solo
did i reject?
no!!
we should at least TRY.

once upon a time theres a pro erhu girl called bibi
bibi goes to the st nicks open house and went to co immediately
the co sounded SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO pro
but all of them look so fake having glum faces and were SOOOOOOOO serious
O MY GOD.
of course to pro bibi, they sounded okay only and they look so BORING.
ALL GRUMPY AND the place LOOKED EMPTY.
YUCKS.
she turns her head off to somewhere else, thinking
"hey.is this a stnicks open house or st nicks open house performance??i thought an open house was to showcase how we practise to others and not looking so fake and everything?yea they have the skills but all look so grumpy.bet i wont be happy here.better go to nygh.they ARE PRO and they ARE happy.yea.byebye."

looks like pple are so affected and brainwashed by the school
everything must be so fake, so CORRECT, so rigid, so perfect
but too bad,
sometimes, it is imperfection that makes an art beautiful
and they dont seem to understand that
and forever jumping at chances to criticise dizi
like i said, we have the most CORRECT attendance.
we portray the right attitude of not ponning the open house.
we are united.
hope such brainwashing and patheic attention seekers wont destroy our unity.
yeah.

ok.new topic.
i hope youll stop doing this.
its getting so scandalous
i duno how to face you next time
i tink its ok but you're getting quite carried away
pple like me may not feel weird but others do
dont judge others by how they look
especially drama people*i have drama people phobia.of course not all the drama people, definitely*
ya.
so stop it ok
i keep imagining myself flarin up
hope i wont get a chance to do so
hai
is all that taken for granted?
no one cares much you noe
quite worried..

blahs.
o lvls coming.
not intending to turn up for any of thurs practices.
definitely
sian

2006-07-02T03:27:00.000-07:00

thanks lor.cheryl.i dont need a lover like that.YUCK.
haha.

2006-06-30T07:14:00.000-07:00

ok people!!

from now on pls read my blog for updates and MY views on stuff.
i will reply to your tags here too becox apparently cbox allows people like 220.255.100 to use my name to reply to people
and its such a double labour to delete stupid tags like that
so im just going to leave it there and since no one knows my password then i can reply here ok?
ya.
thanks:)

2006-05-31T06:24:00.000-07:00

life sucks
relative velocity is really sucking my life
TSK

and nothing is more interesting than our extra lessons schedule which appears to be occupied for every slot.

and homework is piling like shit
dun even FEEL like doing it
life sucks

youre stressed?
do you even know what is stress in the first place?

2006-05-04T23:09:00.000-07:00

let me give you all a classic example of a trashy week

mon: slack and feel threatened and stressed
tue: feel bloated and want to puke and feverish
wed: feverish and tired and have to pia bio
thur: feel irritated the whole day and decided to be devoted and go for co but got irritated by a super cb idiot
fri: thought failed napfa but in the end didnt. pia maths and have to do a lot of homework

thats my week
i feel so irritated by someone
or maybe its just me being fussy and complainy about everything

2006-04-30T23:20:00.000-07:00

haha.
im going to post something grim and serious again

been thinking about things this hols.
some pple start to also tell me wad i told people b4, i realise

sports day showed me some things la basically.
not that i like to dominate things or something,
i just hate the idea of following behind people's back when they are unsure of wad they are doing and they are unsure of wad you think and simply deem it as DUMB when they havent even thought thru it.
the whole sports day i duno wad im doing

i start to realise i have changed a lot
and becoming less of wad i actually am
those things tt i will nv do b4 are like reflecting on me and making me feel uneasy
the whole sports day i spent my time following people and doing wad i should not do and didnt really want to do
perhaps just because i dont want to be a loner
how sad is that.

decided to slow down and look at things from a different perspective.
i realise i am so tired always trying to keep up with other people
and feel so obliged to do wad they think is correct.
perhaps this is the disadvantage of going around in big groups i guess.
you have to wait for other people because youre obliged to and have to,
not because you want to.
i want to do it becox i want to
nothing wrong about being obliged to wait for people though
just feel tired and exasperated sometimes at myself.

the whole of sports day i flutter behind people's back duno doing what
and people around me just tell me to
go here go there
do this do that
if not,
youre weird and youre lagging
and people will give you that "huh?youre so weird.wad are you tinkin of?" when they are the ones who dont know wad is going on and have officially "hanged"
how ironic is that to be told that i am lagging when i came up with the word "lagger" myself.

and i just rush here rush there feeling all empty inside
unsure of wad exactly is happening.
but having to follow becox i dont want to be alone and they are my friends.

and im not lagging or anything
im just thinking of wad is best for me at tat time
to do wad i tink is best for myself or to do wadever you all think is best for me
i really dont feel like trying to keep up with the crowd and doing what pple think is correct but i dont feel like doin

bitch bitch bitch
thanks for being discouraging man
you SUCK.
GET OUT OF MY SIGHT
erms.
*clears throat*

hai...
and ya,
i spend my time keeping up and proving tt im not lagging or something and im not weird
rushing here and there
i realise i want to establish my own personality and do wad i want to do
instead of sticking around doing something else

dont mind being whined at by zhenling or cheryl to go st 13 gate though
haha
thats a different thing altogether
just feel irritated at being shoved ar to do things i really dont want to doound and having
and feel all like some stupid dog following its owner
and if the dog misbehaves,
the owner starts to feel irritated just becox her dog doesnt want to be a dog anymore
then you can go with your self deemed friend becox the both of you click.

and once i slow down my pace
i start to realise pple are chasing each other just to make sure they are not left behind somewhere and not seen by other people as "isolated"
perhaps those that are good are those can just let things happen by themselves and not bother about wad other people think of them
though i tink i will nv be like that.

shut up
who are you to control me?

o and i also realise i care about wad other people view me too much sometimes
i should just do things becox thats me and not because thats wad i want people to tink of me.
but thats so hard.
who is able to do this?
my character is not strong enough
ya.

not pinpointing anybody
just being random
and sick of the endless chase.

2006-04-30T01:00:00.000-07:00

i feel so weird these few days
the more i tink about it

and now sectionals is so unappealing to me
and yet i still hope i can make the best out of it
maybe im just sian
everytime go there
duno do wad
blow blow blow
practise like shit still the same
no difference
and everything is just so boring

today's cheng san was a totally rip off
no zheng lao shi=no da zu
no hong lao shi=no sectionals

like wads the point of going in the first place?!
waste my time

and i simply hate to feel unimportant
like wth
sharon says that even we behave differently in sectionals,
no one will care and no one can be bothered anyway
like how true is that
becox we are GRADUATING
and useless cox we have to leave for o lvl's
same for cheng san also.
we will most prob leave during july or june.
and it makes no difference whether we stay or leave according to stanley
really make mi DONT feel like going back
like wads the point if it really makes no difference?

and we are going to leave snco in a few more weeks time
so theres no point giving us the impt parts of songs
becox we ARE leaving and its pointless even if we are so pro at tt part
oh yeah.
thanks
now sec 4s just slack around and play those unimportant parts and feel all like a lousy pro;lousier than those stupid sec 3s
theyre only making use of us to look after those sec 1s.
so that next time their orchestra will be like so pro when all the uselss sec 4s have left

not like its going to make a difference anyway
esp when they always get the sec 2 3 to lian da zu songs together and do it behind the sec 4s back though most of us already know.
so wad if the sec4s are pro?
theyre not going to benefit us
so no point them staying here
no pt giving them impt parts
play the stupid lousy and easy no challenge parts cox sec 4s are super useless as dizi players now
so pro for wad

this is wad happens when you make lim pei qi feel unimportant
i HATE it.
hai.
quite sick of co now
like when you strive and work your best for snco once last year and youve gained honour for snco,
the next minute you realise pple ard you*even TEACHERS who used to be encouraging* think that you are useless to themselves and throw you aside to rot somewhere sleeping playing those substandard parts
like how sad is that?

bet if i even get into jc and j1=syf year
then j2 year ill be deemed useless again
or maybe ill go join some badminton or inline skating or archery club or something
im just too sick of feeling unimportant
esp after youve done your personal BEST and once the results is there, pple throw you aside
sad
sad
sian
sian

maybe i wont go to co in jc...........................
seriously, wads the point?

2006-04-23T04:39:00.000-07:00

BOREDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

duno wad kind of bullshit life im having
study, rush homework, extra lessons, bullshit olympiad and go home sleep.
OH how great is THAT.

sian like shit
becoming more and more cynical
and out of all this routine kind of shit,
there's sports day to make me irritated
good that we are not having lessons
but the fact that i have to sit down there like some idiot and cheer like some maniac is turning me off.
wth.
so hot somemore.
have to sit down there and look green be green scream green!
wad sort of BULLSHIT.

123,321 ur head.
wad the hell.
sick of being green.
pri sch also green now also green
like im some grasshopper or something
and no one appears to be IN green house
TSK
and i just end up looking green ALONE
like wad shit
lame sports day
like wads the point.
not like it is compulsory to have the whole school at jubliate anyway.
then why IS sports day compulsory?
not like you have to attend compulsory ear digging sessions in preparation for jubilate.
then why is there some lame cheer prac?
i dont see the whole pt of having sports day, seriously.
if you tell me its to recognise the sports girls,
ill swear at you.
wad bullshit.
not prejudiced towards them though.
just dont understand the whole point of having sports day and waste time cheering our guts out.
or they should sell tickets for sports day and not make it compulsory.
then we'll earn money every year and theres no need to ask us to donate money.
thats GREAT!
and i dont see the point of the whole school havin sports day REHEARSAL.
and waste time.
stupid.SOOO stupid.
sometimes i really think our school is so wu liao.
sports day rehearsal is to make sure everything goes in order.
oh yeah?
not like sports day is some show for other pple to watch right?
not like jubilate rehearsal is so prestigous to involve the whole school anyway.
more like jubilate has a rehearsal becox it IS a show for other pple to see
like who sees our sports day other than old girls, SOME guest of honour and teachers and ourselves
and not like the guest of honour wants to see something so fake and staged anyway
tink they should call it St Nicholas Girls School Annual Sports Day PERFORMANCE 2006.
since they tink it is sophisticated enough to need a rehearsal.

hai.
just tml's assembly is enough to turn me off
today is boring.
everyday is so sian

TSK
TSK
TSK

GO AWAY.
STUPID MATHS OLYMPIAD.
TSK.

2006-04-16T04:29:00.000-07:00

a lot of power held at your hand
could be what that leads you to your death.

effects of too much da chang jin

2006-04-15T03:18:00.000-07:00

I
AM
ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haha.ok old news.
scraped pass la.
cant blame me lor
i got more weight than any one of you ok?!?!
"Thou seest I have more flesh than another man, and therefore more frailty."
haha.

see im weak.
die liao.
next week got another REAL run
guess i better pia cox obviously i DONT want to fail
firstly, very lau kui
secondly, have to re-run
like wth
and my standing broad jump also
nv try.
didnt dare to try
hai.
surprisely, i made it for inclined.
normally i only do once la.
and sit and stretch sucks for me
you cant expect me to bend like some shit when i have this big lump of fats at my tummy right?
tsk.
the creation of napfa test is such a lame decision on MOE's part.
since they test students' fitness level, why don't they test the students' musical level that kind of thing?
TSK.

SUCKS.
and in jc its acty 3.6 km?!?!
OH
MY
GOD

seriously i tink theyre mad.

i got a new dizi bag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
haha.
my old one is like on the brink of falling apart?
and it looks like some patheic bag with the leather all like falling apart?
and theres no handle!
my new one looks new(obviously) and got handle leh.
lol.
just that it looks like a radio.
and there's acty WHITE dizi bags?
like its acty wad i always thought of having?
but hong lao shi says it looks cool at the start but very easy become dirty and the handle becomes chocolate colour??
*faints*
so dirty.
fine.
i've done away with my white dizi bag desire.
haha.

i want a light pink one!
haha.
got hello kitty one!
so sweet.
haha
but later the pink handle become chocolate also.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee........................

this whole weekend my family spend it watching da chang jin
like wth
now my neck hurts can
and very giddy
its like everytime you sleep too much or watch too much tv then will feel giddy.
the whole of yesterday i feel like dying la.

sian.
sports day is coming??
like yuck.
sorry
not that i hate everything about sports in our school but seriously,
sports day SUCK
so hot la.
then have to sit down there for so long
so boring
and not like i care about which house wins lor.
and worst is before we sit at the spects stand
we have to squat/sit at the field there
and you know our school field is manifested by dragonflies
and dragonflies LIKE green.
and im from GREEN house?
like double GREEN
then the stupid grasshoppers like to hover on top of us
and its so irritating and disgustin especially when i HATE all kinds of insects
DAMN.

hai.
sian.
combined co suck.
lame la.
thought the new song would add some excitement to my remaining snco days.
but it added to my disappointment i tink.
its like when he said no one in spore played this b4 i thought finally snco would be playing something cool like haizhishuixiang.
and wth!
the song sucks.
sounds quite horrible especially with so many suona solo and main melody parts.
sucks can.
disgusting song
bet we wouldnt be able to finish lianing this trashy song before j3.
and j3 is at kallang threatre?!?!
YUCK
disgusting place.
the place sucks
hai.........................................................................

oh great.
the song is so nan ting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my ear bleeding whenever we are playing the 1st 3 bars.
*faints*

2006-04-10T04:50:00.000-07:00

im sad...

tue is the last time you all will see me.
cox wed will be the day i die.

thats all.
not killed by teohhuiqing the murderer though.
HAHAHA.

2006-04-06T06:22:00.000-07:00

sorry if i disappointed anybody.
i really dont feel like having any more things to bother about
other than my very screwed-up studies.

2006-04-01T00:16:00.000-08:00

thought i would spend the afternoon watching progs on channel u
but i was so irritated by the 5566 show that i gave up
it sucks
with the host and the artistes duno yanking bout wad
and keep on talking and talking rubbish*primarily to distract those playing*
but apparently it distracted me also and made me so irritated that i switched the tv off
tsk

and came online
realised very few pple online
even the most often seen huiqing is missing
lol
looks like evryone's gone

ya
went blog-shopping.
went to a lot of pple's la
very long nv contact one also have
ya
a lot of pple change already
and i didnt even notice
im like distancing away from them or something
and i havent gone back to dqps for 4 years
or basically ever since i went out of the school

hai...
now im so engrossed and caught up with my own problems and studies that i tink i have become so apatheic towards things
tsk
like why should i care? that kind of thing
ya.
hai...
is this happening to everyone?
and ya.
got some personal problems also
feel so tsk everytime
duno how to react
can someone just give me a full marks answer as to how should i react?
smile and be patient?
or
just ignore the whole thing?

its not just me ok?
things have become so obvious and tensed that its not just me being "paranoid"
tsk
wadeva

ya
and now i miss pri sch life
haha
whole day study but somehow you just dont feel tired
and you wont fall sick when you keep doing your work every single day from 6.30 when you reach sch till 9+ when you come back from tuition.
i dont rmb this whole process being tired and sickening at all
but now,
just a maths oly drives me nuts and makes me have a bad headache.
politics politics
irritating can

during pri,
everytime you step into class you just study
recess go for taf
after recess study again.
after sch lunch break do homework
then remedial until 5.30
eat dinner
go for tuition
then sleep
and it continues.
but its not as tiring as now when you step into class
got some pple dont like some people
pass horrible remarks
and the person feels horrible
when everything is all started by another person who is such a blabbermouth.
then the whole class is just so tensed up becox of this whole thing

and you start to realise you feel so hyperventilated
you are ego but you cant express it becox it may irritate other people
and people start turning competitive towards you
and you feel so uneasy
and duno wad to do
wad to reply

and everyone around you just duno wad to do
and you are like stuck?

so tell me wad i should do.
pls.
i hate this whole idea of having to act all nice when ya.
so fake
and once i express something, im replied by a whole chain of competitiveness?
wads so nice to compete about?
its so unfriendly
and so pointless
i hate it!

i want my pri 6 life when we compete who writes xi zi faster that kind of thing
etc...
who wants to compete about getting selected?
who wants to compete about getting food first?
who wants to compete about being called by juniors?
who wants to compete about dizi?
who wants to compete about everything else?
so irritating.......................
spare me pls
im not interested.

hai...
sometimes i hope im not so easily affected by other people
its like once someone tells me something bad about that person,
i will immediately shun away or become less attached to that person one lor.
stupid characteristic of mine
hai...
sian right?

sec4 sian enough already still have to deal with all these.
fgh ewufhuh neuhveiunvuhalsijfncweuihdinvv
ovirh
reviurfjvh
vuohruvh
reoiher uivh
reuhv ruivher
azs9ijfvherigh giohv
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bet i will leave this sch just with a few friends.
like in dqps.
i dont even associate with them animore.
the famous trio haven even got together for ages since jan22.
and we dont talk or sms each other.
everyone is just so busy about everything else
o lvl's
or maybe problems like mine.
hai.
i hate this whole idea.
i always wonder who pple can keep sms-ing to to keep themselves active.
its like, i have no one to sms with me?

and now i just feel so heck care about everything*other than maths*
ya.
patheic.
maybe i shouldnt have joined dizi in the first place.
looks like it is generating some problems for me also or isnt bein in snco or evco?
i should have started off in places like library club or some MITS kind of thing
whole day stare at books or be a IT geek.
better than this la.
and whole day you will see me with a batch of geeks mugging away or hacking away at a laptop.
haha.
but i love dizi.
and since i love it,
i want to be good at it.
like wads wrong?
i should love books maybe
then i will be a fabulous reader who has read the bio txtbk 600 times*molly will be so happy that she bounces on me and pats my head though she has already crushed my backbone and cause me to be bedridden forever)

ya.
better than now.
practise my dizi also canot
dun practise also canot
practise still must have shi ji one.
tsk.
and having to constantly worry about self worth at chengsan kind of thing
its like i tink wc has a pt
if we are not going to take part in the co competition,
then we go for wad?
and im not even good enough to join them in the competition
and i seriously dun want anymore stress.
but ya,
go for wad?
and im extremely scared of the fact that we will be slacking away there while the others pia and chiong like shit for the competition and we just sit there and listen AGAIN.
its like i feel very worthless and lousy and not valued though this should be the case since im not good enough.
but who likes to feel this way la seriously.
who likes to wander around like idiots when the others lian the songs that you dont have?
and feeling all more like a guest performer
and playing just a few songs and the song is just you having rests and you playing a few notes here and there.
it feels horrible la seriously.
imagine it if you dont understand
im not attitude problem or tink im very pro

then tml if i go back,
wad do i do?
slack around again with no agenda?
and i hate to go for things which are so insecure.
that accounts for me always being late also.
i hate to be fang ge zi at the last minute
and i hate the insecureness i have to feel when someone is later than me and duno when that person will appear or will just send one stupid sms saying that he or she canot make it or since its so late then lets dont go?
i mean, its so sian.
who likes to feel neglected and left out?

im not acting differently behind you
its just that i duno how to express myself when you ask me "you eating fishball noodles ar?" and i can just go "ya."
wad do you expect me to say more?
you are the one that is feeling differently
becox you have this predeposition that you r ya,
then you will subconsciously react in this way to get yourself involved but just ending up achieving the wrong results.
just say things when you feel like it and not say things becox you have to say things that kind of thing?
becox you dont have this predeposition at other place,
thats why you are yourself and frivlous talks can still take place.
like during phone calls also.
you dont have to worry about being left out or wad
thats y you are able to talk when you feel strongly about something or just plain talking rubbish could be fun.
why must compete?
those who say competing between friends are friendly are idiots.
or at least they mean friendly competition.
but how do one define friendly competition btw friends?
everyone's definition is different
you may think it is friendly while the other gets offended.
or perhaps when everythin turns tense and ya.
wdv.

and thats why i feel so sian now.
goin cheng san and returning at 5++ could be so fun becox i feel very secure that i have friends and things to do there even though it may be just slacking.
but now,
im not sure wad do i do there and this makes me feel insecure again.
and so i wont feel like going becox im scared ill be left alone to sit down there awkwardly.
hope im tinking too much.

hai...
i miss the times when i could hang out with huishan w/o having to tink of her "leaving " me that kind of thing even though i cant be with her during recess.
i miss the times when 6s still meets during the sec one years for silly things like basketball and badminton and just plain slacking around.
i miss the times when i could flare up at stupid faizrin irritating me and mr foo stand up for me becox he likes me cox i can solve a maths qns which he and the whole class cant solve.
i miss the times i could forget about being left behind becox huishan,wanjoo is always there
i miss the times when i go for tuition when i could finish everything in a jiffy and absolutely correct and ya.have fun.
i miss the times when i went out to catch a movie with huishan, wanjoo, shuhao and lili.
bet all these will not happen ever again.
becox i have changed and i believe they all have changed
hai.

and i shouldnt have tried to become better at dizi by taking lessons and going to cheng san
i should have just given dizi up and join badminton or cheerleading*clears throat* in JC.
not attending the MOE camp makes me feel so horrible now.
i cant admit that i gotten in b4?
i dont want pple to look upon me as a weakling.
hai...
though i really am
i may look like i want to fight for the best that kind
but its only for frivlous stuff like fighting for a air con sectional room or like being able to still maintain my seat in class that kind of thing?
i hate to take part in competitons.
i hate it!
wdv.
at the MOE camp i felt so horrible thats y i ponned
it was totally horrible for me
i only played dizi for 4 months?
like the sec ones now
and i have to be SABOed to go for this
and tinking i screwed up the scales i wont get in
but i got in
and i dont even know wad the hell is da G and i have to use it when i was even wondering why it has 7 holes?
and i dont even noe tong ying re at that time.
and i have to play all those pro songs with no friends with me at that time
i was the only dizi that got in from st nicks la
and im not even close to all the others who got in the camp
and i hate to feel lonely.
i feel so horrible i just didnt go for the rest
and now i have encountered chujun who knows all this.
i dun want it to be told by anyone else except me
i post it cox obviously no one reads anyway.
ya.
even if you know,
dont look down on me
and dont give up on me
becox i still love my dizi even though i said two times i wanted to give up.
becox if i gave up becox of all these,
i wouldnt even touch dizi until now.
so dont look down on me or give up on me ok?
becox i enjoy your presence.

2006-03-31T05:53:00.000-08:00

whew.this disgusting week is finally over.
was so looking forward to today's evening
haha

this week really is super duper sian can
mon sucks the most.
lessons.
extended lesson.
MATHS OLYMIPIAD
maths oly really gave me a bad headache
its like shit
and im surrounded by irritating accents
and to tink i thought i could be saved from it when i board 265
but guess wad,
the whole flock came up on the same bus as me
and they talk damn loud

wth
i got such a throbbing headache becox of this
*faints*

tue
still ok cox its normal sectionals.
but sectionals i quite boring la.
cox we are just left there to rot while sec ones and sheng practise.
next week is our turn!!!
we are damn screwed
snco will just die for jubilate III.
as expected.

wed was quite sian also.
felt super hyperventilated.
with ms quek hot at our heels and huiqing keep tsking away.
maths club
sian
canot do e maths lor.
tsk

thurs
had to get a day when i go home on dismissal time(not staying back)
so decided to pon
haha
very long nv pon already ok?!!
anyway combined is so pointless
and the whole day i was like lookin forward to going home at 2.15
and they had to remind me that we have physics ExTENDED LESSONS
like wth
i felt so deluded can:'(
i want to go home
spent the physics lesson playing with stupid magnets
so lame
magnets are so sad*the rest pls go and ask huiqing to repeat*
huiqing keeps telling me lesbianic stories about magnets not being able to like copper or some other thing
and not liking iron filings becox theyre hairy??
and jiehui is pervertic can
acty said something so disgusting till i feel likt puking and cant help but blush
lol
dont you dare say it out stupid jiehui.
yuck
lol

ya.today was ok la.
just that the chi compo competition is so lame
and i forgot to take receipt:'(

2006-03-21T04:06:00.000-08:00

curriculum today was crap
i couldnt concentrate after receiving trashy chinese results
and tym is our form teacher
haha

cca was ok
see denise, told you it will be SOOOO much better when we sit together.
lol
felt a bit stressed though.
haha

and pulau ubin sucks as usual.
no rambutans thank you
duh.
lol.

2006-03-14T06:07:00.000-08:00

after venting with sharon,
im not so angry liao
haha
just find it amazing how i can curse one person so badly
haha
sorry
sorry for making your ears itch or something
haha

green haT!!
haha
just kidding

omg
i didnt go to the cheng san celebration:'(
ok i regret this whole thing
thought i didnt want to go at the start
then turn out i canot go cox got bad flu and slight fever
go there and moan and look pale also not very good
ya
then didnt go
and the way sharon says it sounds quite fun
other than the zheng lao shi part
lol

when sharon said that i was like *jaw drop*
omg.

but its so true
haha
like who wants irritating and stupid liubin

then on the bus,
im like so smitten with zhenglao shi
haha
must be my hua chi acting up again

:'(

ok.
this week is so super sian without cca
but doubt it will be ani better WITH cca
yuck
so boring

and sectionals is so sian
and hong lao shi is so
B
A
D

HUMPH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok im starting all over again
shh.

2006-03-14T05:55:00.000-08:00

omg im so giddy by this whole thing
haha
i want to change to my domain!!
haha

2006-03-14T05:54:00.000-08:00

MOVED

http://peiqi-.blogspot.com